Ready for a baby?

I’m at the age now where all of my friends are getting married, buying houses, having kids and planning out their 401K. Meanwhile, I’m relaxing on the couch with a bottle (c’mon who really just drinks a glass?) of wine wondering if I’m mature enough to get a puppy. As the responsible adult I am, I’ve come up with a list of pros and cons to assist in my decision.

PRO: They’re cute!

Seriously so adorable!

CON: They’re a bit crazy though. It’s time to sit on the couch and watch some television. Seriously….what are you doing?

PRO: They’re so lovable!

CON: They’re so lovable. Seriously, stop licking me. Please?

PRO: They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I beg to differ, young or old, my dog will do all kinds of cool shit.

CON: Realistically speaking the whole teaching my dog tricks thing is a pipe dream. This will most likely be the extent of my dog’s activities.

PRO: Doing fun and silly stuff together while enjoying some wine! Just look at how much fun he’s having!

I’m really picturing one of those moments in the movies where the character looks back on their life while some sappy song narrates the flashback and reflects on their greatest moments. This is part of that scene. There’s also a scene where we’re running on the beach (hand to leash) enjoying a beautiful sunny day while I try to teach him how to catch a frisbee when in reality he gives up after 5 minutes to lay on the beach because he’s a lazy ass.

Anyways, moving on…

CON: Forgetting about the silly stuff I started doing after consuming a bottle of wine. Of course that’s only until I wake up the next morning to go to the bathroom. The silver lining though is at least there wouldn’t have been any accidents around the house. Poor guy though, he probably has a cramp or something. Mama loves you!

PRO: Dogs are super smart. Look at him swat away the arm of that baby saying “No. That cookie is mine kid. Ya better recognize before I knock your ass out.”

CON: Similar to buying a new car, there’s always a lemon in the group.

You never know what you’re going to end up with!

PRO: They’re always willing to cuddle with you on the couch.

CON: They might not realize when they’re no longer welcome on the couch.

“If I was a real child this would be considered abuse. I’m very uncomfortable right now.”

PRO CON: A dog can provide a sense of security around the house. In some cases they can even act as a deterrent to unwanted guests. However, I’m quite keen on the pug breed and unfortunately I’m just not sure they can offer the kind of protection that is considered a trait in a “guard dog”.

I’m just not sensing the fear. I could be wrong though.

So am I responsible enough for a pseudo child? I mean they’re quite similar, puppies are going to cry, have accidents, need to be fed and want to be played with. Let’s be real, for all intents and purposes a puppy is a baby you adopt except you can leave them in a crate while you’re at the office working and won’t get arrested for leaving them home alone one night to go out drinking if you can’t find a babysitter.

I just don’t know.

Maybe I’ll get a fish. Baby steps.

The Adult Snow Day

As a kid, or even young adult, I took far too many things for granted that I have now come to miss greatly. For instance, as a student in school we were gifted with the occasional day off thanks to Mother Nature. You don’t realize this then but when you grown up and join the land of the working, your employer doesn’t actually give you the day off because a foot of snow is expected to fall and reek havoc on the day’s commute. You actually still have to work. I know right? I was a bit surprised too. Thankfully though, and I do consider myself fortunate to have this option, I’m allowed to work from home if need be…

…Thus providing me with the “Adult Snow Day”. What is this you ask? Well it means I’m still required to work, however, I can do it from the comforts of home!

ADULT SNOW DAY PERKS:

1. Sleeping in later than usual since there’s no bumper to bumper traffic or insanely long lines at the local coffee shop drive-thru to deal with!

2.  No. Morning. Commute.

3.  Put “real” pants on? If I manage to make it to the shower I’m surprised. Pfft pants…

4.  Don’t judge. I swear I work better with a few in me. Plus…why not?

5.  Catching up on chores around the house is always an added bonus.

6.  You can say whatever you want want without having to worry about offending anyone at the office.

7.  You can also do whatever you want without having to worry about offending anyone at the office.

8.  And finally, you can watch trash TV, I mean daytime talk shows, while kicking the mouse around every so often to keep your laptop from “falling asleep”.

With up to a foot of snow expected tomorrow, I’ll be partaking in the Adult Snow Day! And don’t forget to stock up on essentials in case you’re homebound for a day or two. You don’t want to be wishing you had hit the grocery store while you’re snowed in…trust me.