Friday night….time to get crazy.

Ahh Friday at 5pm…what a beautiful beast you are for us nine-to-fivers.

It’s the weekend! So obviously there’s a few things I want to do tonight and I’m hoping it doesn’t get too crazy. I need to change my sheets, fold the mountain of laundry in the spare bedroom that continues to grow every time I wash another load and also take out the trash. Oh and if I have some time, I’ll catch up on the Dexter DVD from Netflix that’s been sitting on my coffee table for the past month and a half. Oh and check the mail. I NEED to check my mail.

Wait it’s Friday, when the hell did I turn 80?

Oh well, first things first. Time for a glass of wine.

5:29pm – First sip….yummy.

5:33pm – Let’s knock some stuff off my to-do list for the evening. Dexter Season 7 Episode 1. Who’s up next on your kill table Dex?

Sometimes I sit at my desk at work and think about this as co-workers talk to me.

6:28pm – One more episode of Dexter and then it’s on to something else productive. Let’s fill up the wine glass again though. Don’t judge me.

Assholes.

6:55pm – I find myself sympathizing with Dexter the ‘serial killer’ and oddly attracted to him. Is that weird? Probably. But’s he’s cute! In a strange way. Whatevs.

PAUSE!

7:23pm – Screw it there’s one more episode on this DVD. It would be wrong to stop now.

8:22pm – Chore #1 COMPLETE. Dexter’s been checked off the list. I feel pretty accomplished right now. Now would be the time to walk out to the mailbox and put that DVD in while retrieving the mail I haven’t checked in about 5 weeks. And doing that in 5, 4, 3, 2, let’s save that for the morning.

8:30pm – While I heat up some food I’ll knock something else off the list. Chore #2 COMPLETE! I took out the trash.

8:41pm – OMG I’m so hungry.

9:02pm – Mother f*cker! I forgot to take out the pizza boxes with the trash. Remind me to add that to tomorrow’s list. I was hoping to be able to relax but now I’ve already got shit to do.

9:09pm – Where the hell is the rest of my wine? Must be a damn hole in the bottle. This is bullshit.

10:18pm – I’m watching a Christmas movie on Lifetime. Dear God what has happened to me…it’s a Friday night, never mind the fact we haven’t even hit Thanksgiving yet. I remember the days when it was all shots of patrone and dancing on top of bars and now here I am…

My To-Do list for tomorrow:

– Take out the pizza boxes.
– Fold the mountain of laundry that I may or may not get to tonight.
– Get my mail.
– Stock up on wine.
– Call mom to say hi.
– Go grocery shopping.

It’s like there’s no end to responsibility when you’re an adult.

11:32pm – I am completely wrapped up in this Lifetime movie. That chick should win an Oscar for her performance!

Agreed…I should go to bed now. Goodnight.

WTF!…I need to put sheets on my bed cus I tore them off earlier in an effort to make myself go to sleep in a clean bed.

Ugh Chore #3 to be completed ASAP.

Okay…One more.

I really do believe I start off my endeavors with the best of intentions, however I find more and more that it sure as hell doesn’t take long for those plans to go off course. In my defense though, life is short.

——————————————————————————–

Let’s take for instance this past Saturday night. I’m in my 30’s and so I keep feeling I should probably start acting my age. What better way to do that than to go out on a Saturday night for dinner and limit myself to just a drink or two.

Pfft….I can do that.

Alright things are going well, I’ve had dinner and a couple of glasses of wine. Okay and maybe a beer or two but who’s counting? Anyways the point is we paid the check and headed out of the bar before the clock even hit 9:30. Now that’s impressive. Gotta tell ya, I was feelin’ pretty responsible and grown up at that moment.

So we’re walking over to our vehicles and what do ya know, there’s a bar right next to where we parked! “Oh, let’s just stop in for one real quick. One and done, that’s it.”

As soon as I got a drink, I looked across the bar and noticed my brother and some of his friends. That would be the moment it proceeded to go downhill. I can’t say no to partying!

From there, well you know how it goes….

Picture time!

Hit the dance floor? OK!

I’m thirsty. Problem solved!

Are they bumpin’ Salt n Pepa right now? Awww shit, that’s my jam! I’m ready to rap it out karaoke style.

So a little while later I’m there on the dance floor with my brother’s best friend dancing to something classy (I think either Back That Ass Up or Bitch Betta Have My Money) when this girl comes over and starts putting the moves on me.

She proceeds to start talking to us and Leroy* thought that saying we were celebrating our three year anniversary might send her on her way. Nope. She let us know that for $200 we could have her for the night. Haha you’re funny girl!

It took me a moment to realize what was happening. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the fact that I’ve never been propositioned quite like that…but needless to say I was left a bit speechless. So I did what anyone else would do right?

To the bar Leroy*!

At this point I was a bit disturbed at what just had transpired so of course I had to address it.

Me: Are you serious???
Leroy*: I know! That was totally a hooker!
Me: No, you’re really gonna take me to the Wave for our three year anniversary!?!?
Leroy*: Oh well ya, I told her this is where we first met!
Me: Aww, you’re such a romantic Leroy*!

I kid I kid. I didn’t really do that! Ok maybe I thought it, but I didn’t do it.

———————————————————————————-

Well that Saturday night out has already become a story that we’ll laugh about for years to come. I didn’t get home until well into the early morning, my car slept at the parking lot downtown, and I was a bit hungover the next day but the night was a success. It was a success because it was fun.

As ridiculous as it was and in the grand scheme of things it was just another drunken evening, however the moral of my story is this….

Try all you want to limit yourself and create rules to reflect how you ‘should’ be acting but at the end of the day who has more fun? The drooling dog chained to the lamp post 10 feet away from the hot dog stand or the kid in the candy store who’s let off his leash with a $20 bill?

You decide.

*As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty.