Monthly Archives: August 2013

#TWERKin at the VMA’s

In case you missed it, the MTV Video Music Awards were held last night in Brooklyn, NY and of course it had its fair share of the good, bad and ugly. We all watch for different reasons but for me it’s about seeing the performances, the crazy outfits and who gets “Kanye’d” next. Oh and I heard N’Sync would be reuniting for the night soooo yeah I was pretty much sold on viewing it.

Listen boys….Hate the game, not the playa. Time to move on.

Anyways, N’Sync did perform on stage together….for about 37 seconds. If you blinked there’s a good chance you missed it, however Justin killed it with a 15 minute performance that showed just why he earned that Michael Jackson Vanguard Award. As amazing as JT was last night though, he still wasn’t the one to steal the show. That honor goes to none other than Miley Cyrus.

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I really hope you all tuned in (or at least YouTube’d it today) for the first episode of Hannah Montana: The College Years.

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Dad, look what I learned freshmen year in college!!! They told me Stripper 101 was full but I managed to sneak my way into that class! I’m so glad I did, look at this booty shake!

I’m just kidding around guys, I didn’t mean to say that….there is no Hannah Montana: The College Years series. I’m sorry if I got your hopes up.

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So Miley’s performance certainly received some mixed reviews from those at home watching as well as those in the crowd. We were lucky enough to capture a few reactions.

The Smith Family:

My bad, that was their reaction to Justin’s performance. This is what they thought of Miley’s:

Rihanna & One Direction:

Liam Hemsworth (the fiance):

Apparently she’s “twerking” but we don’t know Liam, we just don’t know!

Taylor Swift & Selena Gomez:

Taylor: Oh thank god, the attention’s not on me for once! At least I don’t feel myself up (or in this case down) with a foam finger while millions of people watch.

Selena: I’m so proud of you T. By the way, did you see Harry tonight? He’s looking pretty good.

Lady Gaga:

Actually, I don’t think she really had any idea what was going on.

One of the contestant’s on Family Feud:

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The Los Angeles Lakers:

Fat Amy:

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Even Kitty from That 70’s Show didn’t know what to make of it:

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E! Online chimed in as well:

Come on guys, I think we all know who the real victims are here. Yes, those poor teddy bears. They’ll never recover from something like this.

Alright, back to Liam:

It’s not a joke Liam! This really happened, it was a live show! Poor guy.

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It’s GO Time

Let’s talk about boxes.

I know random topic but hear me out.

Some boxes are small and some are big. Some are rectangular while others are square. Some are new and have to assemble yourself whereas others look as though they’ve been dropped out of a moving truck and kicked around the block a time or two. Regardless of the box though, they can be used for all kinds of things.

A few examples:

The MOVING box(es) you haul inside your new place swearing that you won’t do anything else until they’re all unpacked and everything’s cleaned up. Haha ya right, I need to update my blog people. No time to waste unpacking.

The STORAGE box(es) that for some people originally began as moving boxes and eventually turned into storage boxes after 3 years of never having unpacked them. They actually make very nice shelves in addition to storage now.

The FRAGILE box that contains the expensive wedding china that’s been in your family for decades which you’re passing on to your newly married daughter that lives out of state. There’s no reason to worry that it will be damaged en route. It’s in the hands of the Postal Service!

The MYSTERY box is one you unexpectedly find somewhere in your house and just scratch your head thinking…Great, what the hell is in here? It says “may be awesome” which could mean it’s full of porn and gummy bears but with my luck it’s probably old tupperware and sheets now covered in mouse droppings. That “warning” label is just throwing me off. Why would I warn myself if the contents were awesome? I’m highly skeptical at the moment.

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The DICK IN THE box that you can give as a Christmas gift to that special someone. Seriously…who doesn’t want that?

And finally we have…

The GO box. Not to be confused with the TO GO box (pictured on the right).

What is THE GO BOX you ask? The Go Box is the box you prepare ahead of time and keep at your place of employment. It should be kept readily available to grab and fill at a moments notice. You have to be able to grab it and sweep everything off your desk that you would miss if you had to leave behind. It’s helpful to keep all things that you care about in a close knit area of your workspace as there’s really no time to waste.

DISCLAIMER:  This box is strictly for emergency use only…meaning it’s to use in those situations where you find yourself in need of a quick getaway. This is not to be taken lightly and cannot just be pulled out to dump stuff in on a weekly basis when you feel like having a temper tantrum. This is far too significant to be used because you still can’t understand why Tequila Tuesday after 3pm at the office has not been implemented. Trust me, I love to down Patrone as much as the next guy but you have to pick your battles folks.

So what kind of situation would this “GO Box” be valuable?

EXAMPLE 1:  You come back to your cube after lunch and find this on your whiteboard.

After which you accidentally find yourself in your boss’s office…

And when you run out of their office continuing to chant “Suck it bitch” down the hall, it helps to be able to grab your GO BOX quickly as you’ll most likely be escorted out of the building and won’t have the opportunity to pack up all your belongings from your desk.

EXAMPLE 2: You have had it up to here with the company, your boss, your co-workers and the plant at the end of the hallway.

You. Are. Done. Again, the GO BOX comes in handy.

I’m not sure if everyone is aware of The GO Box or if it’s just something I came up with after the Great Freakout of June 2013 but either way I feel the need to inform you all. This could be a new phenomenon and if it isn’t already then don’t be left out kids, life’s too short.

PS…You may be wondering what The GO Box looks like? It looks like anything you want it to be. My preference is the large FedEx type box as it’s not too big but not too small either. Also, it has that peel off sticker part for easy closure.  Just throw your crap in, close it up and run like the wind. Or Forrest. Yes, run like Forrest. What? You never know if the cops are far behind.

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The Perfect Man?

So….what are you looking for in a man?

Hmmm….that’s a good question. I’m not sure I have a real idea of what I want except for someone who does the following:

Takes care of their body…

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Works hard…

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Eats properly…

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Has confidence…

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Is spontaneous…

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Can come up with a great idea…

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And is willing to try new things…

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Let’s be realistic though, there’s no such thing as Mr. Perfect so after a little thought I’ve come up with the 5 most important traits (in my opinion) in someone of the opposite sex. Hehe I said SEX. Wait, is this one of the reasons I’m still single?

Alright let’s get it going cus I’m not getting any younger here…
These attributes are in no particular order.

1.  SENSE OF HUMOR

Seriously…this is a MUST. You don’t have to be a comedian but if you can’t make me laugh than you can’t make me…..yours. What’d you think I was going to say??

At the end of the day, I just don’t want to have to explain everything.

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If you have to ask why then I can’t help you!

2.  HOW YOU DOIN’?

Alright looks aren’t everything but chemistry and attraction are necessities in a successful relationship. That’s not saying that I’m looking for someone ridiculously hot with abs I can griddle pancakes on BUT I am saying that there needs to be a genuine sexual attraction if it is to work out in the long run. Being in a relationship isn’t all about sex but let’s get real, it’s certainly a selling point.

While we’re on the subject of attraction, there is one aspect I have never wavered on as long as I can remember. I’m just going to come out with it….the pants need to hang well. Now people always ask me what I mean by this and I try to explain it but it seems to always come out wrong because they get this idea in their head:

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Then I’m like:

What I really have in mind is this:

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Anyways, I just have a thing for a guys pants that aren’t quite tight but aren’t too loose either and show off just a little of the boxers or boxer briefs they’re hiding underneath (PS if you’re wearing tighty whities, we’re just not right for each other). In other words the pants just hang…and they hang well.

3.  BABE SHOULD I DRAFT THAT QB OR TIGHT END?

So as I’ve been continuously told over the years I am not a “normal” girl. Here’s a disclaimer for you guys, I love sports! My faves are football and basketball and hockey is something I thoroughly enjoy as well. Now don’t hate me but I’m not a huge fan of baseball. I certainly enjoy heading out to the park and catching a game in person but I have a very hard time watching it in front of the TV as I need a bit more action than running around the bases offers me.

Now while we’re on the subject of sports I’d like to bring up an activity very close to my heart. Let’s say it all together now…

F-A-N-T-A-S-Y – F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L

Ya that’s right Fantasy Football and it’s right around the corner! So basically I need a man who won’t mind joining me on the couch or in a sports bar on a Sunday Funday afternoon to watch a couple games. Oh and I actually know what I’m talking about as well….

4.  INDEPENDENCE

I enjoy being in a relationship where my boyfriend asks what we’re doing this weekend or if I want to get dinner on a random night but I do have a fair amount of friends and am not willing to give up my weekly dinners or random ladies nights out because I find myself suddenly committed. I enjoy my independence and also prefer when my significant other has their own life as well. I feel it just adds a little something to the relationship as I’m not looking to be handcuffed to another person. Well I’m not opposed to that idea, I just mean there’s a time and place for everything…

I have dated men who aren’t quite as independent as myself and this is probably why I feel the way I do now.

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“So listen, you’re a great guy and I’ve had a lotta fun….I just don’t think it’s going to work out between us….” Psycho.

5.  RELAX….DON’T STRESS!

Give me a man who can kick back and relax. Why? Because life is too damn short to live it stressed out over anything and everything.

A night out with friends, a weekend getaway for the two of us, or a night on the couch with an extra order of egg rolls and a large pizza …it doesn’t matter as long as you’re enjoying yourself. Life is meant to be enjoyed so let’s do it!

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In all seriousness, there’s really no perfect person out there; there’s only someone out there that’s perfect for you. We all have our basic needs but set your sights only on a certain type and you might be disappointed, or worse yet, miss out on something you never expected. So keep an open mind and try not to look for that “special” someone because they’ll bump into you when you least expect it. Or maybe you already have and have yet to realize it….who the hell knows. In the meantime throw your glass in the air and cheers.

Why?

No, no…the question is why not?

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