Monthly Archives: September 2014

It’s NINJA time

So I’m sitting around enjoying some Monday Night Football the other night when I decide to do a little channel surfing late in the 3rd quarter as Manning decided to throw his 2nd interception of the evening. Your team is wearing the white jerseys Eli, not the blue ones! Anyways, so I’m scrolling through the little TV guide thingy and see a listing for ‘American Ninja Warrior’.

Obviously my first thought is…REAL LIFE FRUIT NINJA!

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That guy needs a little more practice but that’s beside the point as the unfortunately the show has nothing to do with slaying fruit. Or swords for that matter. And the actual guys on the show seem in a little better shape than the one wielding the machete above.

THIS is American Ninja Warrior:

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And here are some of the contestants:

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Hmmmm….

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Maybe I’ll watch for a few minutes…..just to see what it’s all about.

In addition to some nice looking bodies, these people are INSANELY fit! And it’s not just guys, women are into it too. Seriously, how long do you have to train to be able to do this?

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Look at her go! ⇑

Jeez…I do a sit-up, 5 jumping jacks and a few lunges and I’m practically dripping sweat and need to be hooked up to a ventilator. This is badass and highly entertaining as well. At one point I found myself up off the couch flailing my arms around in the air cheering them on.

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This show has been on for 6 seasons. 6IX! How have I not seen this or even heard of it before? Back in the day, I used to love watching ‘American Gladiators’. This one is just like it except it has better looking people and less weird outfits. This guy just said screw the clothes though and did it naked.

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Apparently he’s not scared of a little attention….or damaging the goods. I imagine there’s a bit of flip-flapping going on while traversing the course. To each their own if you want to air things out but sometimes I would think a little “support” is needed. Ya know…to keep things in place.

Here’s a guy that chose to do it with his clothes on. That looks fun. I wonder if my arms are strong enough to hold on the whole time?

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Doubtful.

So on Monday night’s episode which I believe was the final round of the National Finals in Las Vegas, there were 2 guys that made it all the way to the third stage. One of the guys was called “The Weatherman” (#weatherman) because well, he’s an actual weatherman, like on TV.

Look here he is!  

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Anyways, I got pretty invested in this guy and wanting him to win it all since this is clearly no easy feat. THERE HAS NOT BEEN A SINGLE WINNER in six seasons of this epic course constructed in the City of Sin.

Sadly, there was no winner on Monday either but #weatherman put up a hell of a fight. It’s hard when you get so invested after just an hour and a half of tuning in. I think I might get a little too into television shows…

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Win or lose, these contestants obviously put their heart and soul into their training and it definitely shows. It’s amazing what their bodies are capable of doing and how much they can handle. Really puts me to shame.

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#getmyasstothegym

 

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To have and to hold from this day forward…

Ahhh…settling down with a ring on your finger, 2.5 kids screaming in another room, all while staring out the window at that white picket fence in the yard. The American Dream.

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I however am a bit more, how shall I phrase it? Oh yes, unconventional. That’s a good word to use.

So I accompanied my “Man Friend” to a wedding this past weekend as one of his brothers was tying the knot. Weddings are always interesting especially if you’re asked to attend as a date of a family member of the bride or groom. There seems to be one general theme expressed by the family throughout the night and you quickly find out what that is.

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Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time but there’s no escaping the talk of ’til death do us part’ and little rugrats running around when attending a wedding…with a date…in your 30’s.

There are approximately 3 to 5 situations you’re guaranteed to find yourself in when attending the ceremony as the new “Lady Friend”. Listed below is just a myriad of situations you can find yourself in. I’m sure there are several others I have not mentioned.

1.  MEETING THE FAM. You might as well follow the bride and groom around to each table because you’ll be making the rounds.

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It’s so nice to meet you. Crap I already forgot their names…

2.  HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?

Well we dated off and on but didn’t get together officially for a bit.

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You could say we were trying to get our shit together. Because my shit is totally together now…I mean there’s no question about that…

3.  WELL HOW DID YOU CUTE KIDS MEET?

Oh well that’s a funny story. See…

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Nahhhh, I’m just kidding! I bumped into him on accident. I turned around and there was your handsome grandson just standing there, it’s true you really just find someone when you least expect it.

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4.  THE BOUQUET TOSS

There’s really no getting out of this one as everyone obviously knows you’re not married (they hope). Single ladies take this seriously though. There’s no messing around when it comes to this part of the evening because as we all know…whatever lucky girl makes it out of that rugby pile of women with the bouquet is said to be the “next”.

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Meanwhile:

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What? I’m thirsty.
He better run and hide if he catches that garter…

5.  THE QUESTIONS. There’s no getting away from the aunts and uncles and grandparents that are just dying to know….

“Will we see you at Christmas?” But I hang out with MY family at Christmas…

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“So tell me, are you guys next?!?”

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“What are you going to name the 7 children we would love for you to have?”

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Now Ma! I’m not kidding around!

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THE NEXT DAY. Discussing the wedding with your friends.

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Holidays? Marriage? Babies? At this rate I’ll be expected to spend multiple days a week with him! Sigh….

#LifeOfaCommitmentPhobe

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