Monthly Archives: November 2014

My Turkey Day

Ahh Thanksgiving. A day to be thankful for family, friends, and all that we have in our lives. It’s important to remember this in a time when we put so much emphasis on social status, the size of our house, and the balance of our bank accounts. These are not the things that should define us though. So tomorrow when you sit down to dinner please be sure to take a moment to look around and be appreciative for those around us, those who are in our lives but elsewhere, and even those that are not with us any longer but that we are forever grateful to have had in our lives.

I wish everyone a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Alright, on a slightly lighter note I’m here to talk about what happens at Thanksgiving with the family when you’re in your 30’s. And single. And enjoy alcohol. Basically it’s what happens at my Thanksgivings.

Let’s start with Thanksgiving Eve:

Ever heard that the night before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest drinking nights of the year? That’s because it is. In your 20’s it seems that everyone heads to their hometowns for the holiday and all congregate at the nearest watering hole to catch up and throw a few (or 10) drinks back.


Of course we all grow up and as you make your way into your 30’s you start to make the “adult” decision to stay in on Thanksgiving Eve because you have responsibilities and you’d rather not ruin Thanksgiving for your family by being completely hungover. I’m happy to say I’m now one of those responsible people home tonight taking it easy so I’m not all hungover tomorrow.


Okay so maybe I just get drunk at home now because I’m too lazy to go out.

So listed below is an approximate hour by hour-ish breakdown of my Thanksgiving Day…… which has remained relatively the same for the past 10 years:

Around 9:00am:

Wakey wakey…with no eggs and bakey. What the hell mom I want some breakfast.


Yaaaaa so I can already tell I’m going to need a nap sometime in the next hour or two.




The family prepares for the day of thanks on the ride over to Aunt Bernice’s* house. Mom and Dad like to provide a bit of a pep talk prior to gatherings.

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Most of the relatives are rolling in around this time (some 25 or 30 people) and immediately feel the need to comment on the state of my appearance. Apparently it may be a bit obvious that I’m hungover?


“Thank you, I made sure to spruce myself up today.”  She did use the word ‘hot’.


Here is where the questions about my love life start to come out in full force.


So much for never drinking again.


There’s currently a debate as to whether or not I’m okay being single. I really think I am but Uncle Raymond* seems to disagree.


Well thanks for the reassurance Uncle Ray*, I hope you’re not chosen to do the eulogy at my funeral. Anyways, this conversation usually results in a couple Aunts, another Uncle and several cousins normally asking questions along the lines of…”Why do you think that you’re still alone?”

boy with a vagina

And that about sums it up. #playasgottaplay


The little kids start to make their way in my direction. Oh god, where’s your mommy little one?



It’s dinner time, let’s do this. Should I say grace?


Approximately 3:02pm:

Okay who the hell let the baby sit with me? He just spilled my damn drink!


#partyfoul #alcoholabuse #iremembermyfirstbeer


We cousins are currently arguing over who will be the next to have a child. I’ve left the conversation and just joined the kids table in the other room. Did that kid spill on me again?



I’m done.


Happy Thanksgiving!

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