Monthly Archives: May 2013

YOLO. Say What?

I know it’s the cool thing to say lately but I gotta ask…What’s up with YOLO? Is this a new phenomenon or something? I mean if we’re really going to get technical, I’ve always been under the impression “you only live once” is something that’s been pretty consistent over time. Did something change or have I just been completely out of the loop on this one?

People use it for everything these days.

My friend texting me to hang out last Saturday:
FRIEND: Let’s go cow tipping!
ME: You’re an ass, don’t wake me up before noon.

At my parents house earlier this week:
ME: Mom, stop dancing on the roof of the car. You’re drunk.

Tuesday night:
ME: Volcano Bowls are not okay on a school night. Okay, just one more.

Wednesday morning:
ALARM CLOCK: Get yo ass up. I’m not kidding. You’ve hit snooze for the past 45 minutes.
ME: I will break you bitch.

At work this morning:
ME: Can I have a sip of your coffee? Holy shit Bailey’s is good. Let me try your OJ. Damn is that Kettle One?

So my point is, how did this come about? Did some guy just wake up last year and realize “WTF, did you know we only live once? I better get a move on with some of this stupid shit I want to do.”

We’re not cats, there’s no 9 lives here kids so live it up and enjoy life. “YOLO” is by no means a new concept but hey, it never hurts to be reminded of the important things in life.

Names have been changed to “FRIEND” to protect the guilty. Except for “MOM” and “ALARM CLOCK”, I guess I should have been more discreet with those ones.

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My Pedicure Struggles Exposed

Ahhhhhh warm weather…that time of year we’re all wearing less and showing off everything from our tan lines to our toes which makes us want to start sprucing things up. It’s pedicure season and I enjoy getting my toes “did”, there’s just something about them feeling cute and freshly painted that makes me feel good. However I have one stipulation I always make known prior to dipping my feet in the water. Here it is.

Don’t play with my feet. I don’t like it. DON’T DO IT.

Now let me explain. I have a bit of an issue with anyone touching my feet whether it’s a boyfriend, doctor, pedicurist, the random guy on the subway, it doesn’t matter who it is, I just don’t like it. Unfortunately my feet are shy and suffer from a mild to moderate case of Social Anxiety. untitledIn addition to the “S.A.”, they are also extremely ticklish and become nervous and tense at the mere mention of them. The result is an immediate and uncomfortable sweatiness overtaking the toes and padding of my footsies.

Now I understand I have to give a bit of leeway when getting a pedicure (for obvious reasons) but I make it clear when scheduling my appointments that I want the express pedi and there is to be absolutely no massaging, rubbing and/or caressing of the feet. It’s a shame they’re so shy because I actually think I have cute feet, well minus the whole “short toe syndrome”. Let’s just say for a female on the taller side with lanky limbs, I really thought my toes would have been more proportional to my body. But I digress.

Anyways, I went for a pedicure yesterday afternoon and as I was sitting down in the comfy chair I received a work email that needed to be addressed. Now this is the time I would normally make my ridiculous foot drama known but as I was preoccupied with email I lost my train of thought and was only alerted to that fact as my feet were being aggressively manhandled by this woman. I was caught off guard and left speechless as I couldn’t come up with the words to tell her to “stop molesting my feet” in a more polite manner. It only lasted a couple of minutes but my body felt about as tense as if I were tied to a chair and forced to watch a meteor headed straight for Earth and I’m sitting front row in the path of destruction. On the bright side though, she was using lotion which shielded the fact my feet were now a hot mess which avoided any further awkwardness.

I wish I could tell you the root cause of this anxiety that plagues me but I’m afraid it’s a mystery that won’t be solved, at least anytime soon. I also wish I could tell you the point of this blog post but it seems that’ll be another question left unanswered.

Anywho, I made it through the ordeal and will be sure in the future to keep my head in the game so this doesn’t happen again. Oh and for those wondering what color I went with? OPI- Met on the Internet.

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Friday at the Office

Ahhhh Friday…I’ve missed you! But you’re not just any Friday now are you? Nope, you’re the Friday before a long holiday weekend so I’d like to think you’re extra special. Kind of like when you order that pizza you’ve been craving for 4 days and the guy at the counter lets you know that because you ordered the large pie you get a free order of breadsticks with it. Hell ya, free breadsticks!

So I’d like to take this opportunity to provide a glimpse into a day at the office prior to a 3 day escape. This timeline will be done entirely via ecards because ecards are awesome.


9:44 am

10:13 am

10:30 am

10:40 am

10:51 am

11:10 am

12:00 pm

12:32 pm

12:55 pm

1:30 pm

2:09 pm

2:19 pm

2:45 pm

3:02 pm

Happy Memorial Day!

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To Shred or Not To Shred

51QlqI3yaOL__SY300_Anyone that knows me has realized that working out is not on the top of my to-do list. Actually I don’t even think I have a to-do list but you can bet if I did, exercise would probably be at the bottom of it. Why? I’m lazy, plain and simple.

I’ve always been lucky and had a fast metabolism, so while I am on the smaller side, I am very much out of shape. Because of this I was repeatedly told that as I became older my metabolism would slow down and all the junk food, drinking and late night alcohol-fueled McDonald’s runs would inevitably catch up with me. Apparently they were right as I’ve put on a bit of a belly in the last six months or so.

Tomorrow marks the start of Memorial Day Weekend, the unofficial start to Summer. Two words….Bikini Season.

So as the hot Summer months full of bikinis and men fast approach, it’s become clear that I need to prepare myself for the upcoming season in a new way. Now it’s not too long ago that my preparations for days in the sun consisted primarily of shopping for new bathing suits and “pre-season training” (a.k.a. drinking) in an effort to gear up for the parties and social get-togethers that occur more frequently as the nights get hotter.

jillian-michaels-yelling_zps676d44e4Now here I am in the midst of pre-season training and instead of perfecting my skills of tossing ping pong balls into red solo cups, I was anxiously awaiting my delivery from Amazon of a 30 minute DVD selling high hopes to folks everywhere of a tight ass, toned arms and six-pack abs in just 30 days. Bring it on Jillian Michaels. I’m ready.

Now in all fairness I was warned that when working out with Jillian, the motto tended to be No Pain No Gain.

How hard could it be?

I retract my previous statement. I really thought I might keel over during that first workout. In the couple of days that followed my introduction to Jillian (whom I like to think of as my own personal Drill Seargeant), everything hurt. No joke, like evvvverything. My legs, arms, back, neck, ass, ears, eyebrows, right fingernail…you name it and it hurt.

Now it’s been three weeks and shredding has gotten a lot easier and the important thing is, I’ve stuck with it. Maybe it’s not long-term commitment status or anything but still impressive for me. Here’s the interesting part that surprised me though, I like it. It feels good. I have more energy and although I don’t think I’m on my way to a six-pack (well maybe only if it’s the type I can pick up at the nearest 7-Eleven), I am seeing some results and getting in shape a bit.

Realistically, I could probably carve out an ab or two if I gave up a couple of my other guilty pleasures but there’s a time for honesty and that time is now. I will continue to Shred and/or workout in some fashion, eat healthier, refrain from soda and local fast food establishments but some things just can’t be avoided. My kryptonite, if you will.

Here’s to you Pizza, eh you too alcohol, in all of your glorious forms. I love you and will never leave you. I’ll be seeing you soon.
And yes Pizza. Yes, I will marry you.

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My New Motto in Life?

Go Big or Go Home

Yes, I think so! I couldn’t have summed it up any better if I tried. As my friends and I like to say….”Is it a hair up, hair down, or go home kinda night?”

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