Monthly Archives: August 2014

To be adult or not to be….that is the question.

I’m an adult.

Priorities are important.

When you’re a responsible adult you need to keep track of things like work, appointments, bills, weddings/bridal showers/baby showers, the semi-annual sale at Victoria’s Secret, the season premiere of your favorite TV show, what night you’re going out for drinks, your weekly trip to the store to stock up on wine, the amount of vacation time you have left for work and the list goes on and on. Needless to say, it’s almost impossible to keep track of everything you might have going on and sometimes you’ll end up unintentionally “double-booked”. At this point you’ve got to make the tough decision as to what you should do and may have to sacrifice the fun for the obligations you have as a result of being an adult and doing adult things….like owning a condo.

This brings me to the present…

So I arrive home earlier this evening and am walking to the front door when all of a sudden I hear my name being called and a couple of neighbors walking my way. Of course one of them is the president of the condo association who usually wants to discuss association business at the most inopportune of times. I try to be as polite as possible and listen to what he has to say but to be completely honest, I’m really not all that interested.


As they’re approaching closer and closer to me, I’m racking my brain for something to make the conversation end quickly. I’m thinking ‘I need to wash my hair’ isn’t going to work at this moment but ‘I need to drop the kids off’ might. Anyways after exchanging pleasantries with each other, I’m asked if I’ll be attending the annual condo association meeting to discuss the happenings of the land and elect a new cabinet of executives to lead us into battle.


Damn it! Usually my Outlook calendar is pretty reliable in reminding me of what I’ve got going on but it must have forgot to inform me of this event. It certainly didn’t fail to notify me of my fantasy football draft that I have later this evening. Either that or I just forgot to enter it into my calendar?

Nah….that couldn’t be it.

Anyways, I had to make a split second decision as to whether I would do the responsible thing and leave to attend the association meeting or if I would continue making my way inside to prepare for my fantasy draft that comes but once a year. It’s like Christmas if we’re being real here.

giphy (2)

My thought process immediately went to the Pros and Cons of attending this meeting….

The last meeting I attended lasted almost 3 hours and there wasn’t even a vote for anything.


What if I have to go to the bathroom?


What if I’m thirsty?

surrounded by no beer

What if they ask me my opinion on something and I say the wrong thing?


I’ll have to vote for a new President. How do I know who is worthy of such an honor? I mean I haven’t seen any ads promoting who’s running for what and I certainly haven’t heard any of the campaign speeches with promises of a Mimosa bar on Sunday’s in the lobby or beer pong tournaments the first Friday of each month. How am I supposed to make an educated decision with so little information?


Those thoughts flashed through my mind as I realized I really need to be responsible and do the right thing though. I knew I should skip my fantasy football draft and leave my 2014 roster in the hands of the Fantasy Gods otherwise known as the Autodraft option. As much as I didn’t want to attend the condo association meeting, I knew I really should. I’m a homeowner. My decision was made.


Later that evening:


Yeah….I said I should be responsible, I didn’t say I would be! Dude my fantasy team is going to kick ass this year! Wooooooo!!!!

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Takin’ care of Bidness.

I’d like to take a moment to talk about taking care of business at the office.

I mean…Bidness.

So the company I work for has 3 different bathrooms (men and women have separate areas) throughout the building yet there seems to be one common trend with regards to use.

‘Bidness’ only happens in one of them.

LOCATION 1:  The Watch Your BackThroom

This one is located toward the front of the building and is home to one of the more ‘stuffy’ areas of the building, not only in terms of location but also employees that are in close proximity. If you happen to venture in, be prepared for the fallout.


LOCATION 2:  The Catch All

These bathrooms are centrally located and home to several departments in the building, essentially making it a public spectacle if anything out of the ordinary occurs.


I mean I don’t blame the ladies for not wanting to relieve themselves around there. You’ve got peeps noticing when you walk in and out so they know how long you’ve been occupying the stall, not to mention if someone walks in right after you. If there’s a peculiar odor there’s a good chance they’ll know who the culprit is (#totesawks). If by chance you have no choice but to drop the kids here you really need to be stealth about it.


LOCATION 3:  The Shitter……..Literally.

This bathroom is located upstairs in an unfinished area of the building. Very few people work on the second floor so in theory it should see no traffic yet probably sees more female traffic than all bathrooms combined.


Because all the women flock to one specific bathroom to POOP.  ——————–>

I think it’s home to at least half the female population in the building when it comes to dropping off the kids. I shit you not (see what I did there?) everyone heads upstairs to take care of bidness. Now I wouldn’t be making a big deal out of this, I actually think its quite funny, however my desk is in the upstairs section therefore making that bathroom my “home turf”. It ALWAYS smells.


There’s approximately 75 total people that work in the building so you take the men out of the equation and we’re left with anywhere from maybe 30 to 35 females at most. There are only 6 women that work on the 2nd floor and this bathroom can rival rush hour traffic in Boston.

Yes, we get a lot of ‘out-of-towners’ in our neck of the woods.

As opposed to the stealth retreat from the other facilities, ladies have no problem making their exit known when leaving The Shitter upstairs. I swear women walk out of there without a care in the world.



Every time I walk in there the smell seems to get worse! I’m not sure if it’s the summer heat or what but it definitely does not smell of roses and sunshine.


Therefore I walk out of the bathroom and it’s like I’m leaving a Subway where the smell, for whatever reason, latches right on and follows you out of the shop staying with you for the next hour letting everyone know where you’ve been.


At some point I feel like we’re going to have to hire a BRouncer (BathRoom bouncer?) just to stand outside the door and scan work badges to make sure that people have a reason to be in this part of the building and using this particular bathroom facility.


Fear not my friends…….



It’s time to reclaim what is rightfully ours. Let’s take back our right to an odorless, fresh smelling bathroom. We can do our business without needing to break records in the amount of breaths we take before fleeing the stalls. It’s time to come together and make this happen. We don’t need to be afraid..there’s 6 of us against uhmm…the rest?



I suppose we could just invest in some bathroom spray or Poo-Pourri…



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