Posts Tagged With: poop

Takin’ care of Bidness.

I’d like to take a moment to talk about taking care of business at the office.

I mean…Bidness.

So the company I work for has 3 different bathrooms (men and women have separate areas) throughout the building yet there seems to be one common trend with regards to use.

‘Bidness’ only happens in one of them.

LOCATION 1:  The Watch Your BackThroom

This one is located toward the front of the building and is home to one of the more ‘stuffy’ areas of the building, not only in terms of location but also employees that are in close proximity. If you happen to venture in, be prepared for the fallout.

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LOCATION 2:  The Catch All

These bathrooms are centrally located and home to several departments in the building, essentially making it a public spectacle if anything out of the ordinary occurs.

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I mean I don’t blame the ladies for not wanting to relieve themselves around there. You’ve got peeps noticing when you walk in and out so they know how long you’ve been occupying the stall, not to mention if someone walks in right after you. If there’s a peculiar odor there’s a good chance they’ll know who the culprit is (#totesawks). If by chance you have no choice but to drop the kids here you really need to be stealth about it.

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LOCATION 3:  The Shitter……..Literally.

This bathroom is located upstairs in an unfinished area of the building. Very few people work on the second floor so in theory it should see no traffic yet probably sees more female traffic than all bathrooms combined.

Why?

Because all the women flock to one specific bathroom to POOP.  ——————–>

I think it’s home to at least half the female population in the building when it comes to dropping off the kids. I shit you not (see what I did there?) everyone heads upstairs to take care of bidness. Now I wouldn’t be making a big deal out of this, I actually think its quite funny, however my desk is in the upstairs section therefore making that bathroom my “home turf”. It ALWAYS smells.

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There’s approximately 75 total people that work in the building so you take the men out of the equation and we’re left with anywhere from maybe 30 to 35 females at most. There are only 6 women that work on the 2nd floor and this bathroom can rival rush hour traffic in Boston.

Yes, we get a lot of ‘out-of-towners’ in our neck of the woods.

As opposed to the stealth retreat from the other facilities, ladies have no problem making their exit known when leaving The Shitter upstairs. I swear women walk out of there without a care in the world.

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#thewarhasjustbegun

Every time I walk in there the smell seems to get worse! I’m not sure if it’s the summer heat or what but it definitely does not smell of roses and sunshine.

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Therefore I walk out of the bathroom and it’s like I’m leaving a Subway where the smell, for whatever reason, latches right on and follows you out of the shop staying with you for the next hour letting everyone know where you’ve been.

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At some point I feel like we’re going to have to hire a BRouncer (BathRoom bouncer?) just to stand outside the door and scan work badges to make sure that people have a reason to be in this part of the building and using this particular bathroom facility.

shall-not-pass

Fear not my friends…….

TO THE RESIDENTS OF FLOOR 2/THE PENTHOUSE SUITE:

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It’s time to reclaim what is rightfully ours. Let’s take back our right to an odorless, fresh smelling bathroom. We can do our business without needing to break records in the amount of breaths we take before fleeing the stalls. It’s time to come together and make this happen. We don’t need to be afraid..there’s 6 of us against uhmm…the rest?

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Whatever.

I suppose we could just invest in some bathroom spray or Poo-Pourri…

 

#TheStruggleIsReal

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