Posts Tagged With: pizza

I don’t even know!

Throughout my life I’ve been curious. Why is the sky blue, whatever happened to that curious monkey we called George, who the hell invented the English language and why with all the advancements in technology are we not flying around in hovercrafts Jetson’s style.

However if all my thoughts and ridiculous questions could be answered so easily I’d be a little concerned as to why I’m the only one still struggling to find the answers to this crap.

Crazy or not, I’ve assembled a few questions that I am just dying to know an answer to.


How many licks does it really take?

I thought I cared but I really don’t give a shit. I’ve actually attempted to answer this by an elaborate scientific study but got bored halfway through much like the owl/bird above and just bit the damn tootsie pop. As that chick says “Ain’t nobody got time for dat”. This question does not count.

#1  Fo’ Real.

Alright people, I’m just asking what we’re all thinking….Why the hell order 11 pizzas and only ONE of them is cheese? Come on, how many combinations of toppings are there really? Trust me, you’re not going to miss out on a “winner” by ordering an extra cheese. I don’t want to be a hater but really Mrs. McAllister? Work with Kevin a bit here, he got the short end of the stick with dinner and you wanted to have him sleep with the kid that pees the bed. Damn it no wonder there was a sequel and he got misplaced…again.

Can you literally drink yourself to death in one sitting?

blackout drunk

Please don’t let these be my last words.

I heard about this famous dude that was sitting on a bar stool and next thing ya know, he keeled right over. Sad story…but also epic. Don’t shake your head like I’m crazy. As much as I despise the thought of anyone passing, I can’t help the fact that if it’s my time to go then I’d prefer it to be one hell of a story. If I swallow my last sip of wine while inhaling my final breath, I hope my friends argue or even bitch fight over who gets to keep the last bottle of wine I ever consumed. It would become one hell of a mantle piece and that mantle would be Legen….wait for it…dary! No lie, it would be awesome. It’d be almost like they were fighting over who gets to keep my ashes, actually that wine bottle would make a nice urn….Hmmm…just a thought my friends.
Epilogue: I have just googled this to gain further information and have found that this “famous person” above may not exist and I may have created this scenario in my mind. The jury is still out. Either way I’m very interested in this topic as it may play a part in my demise one day.

What was Snow really rapping about?

Seriously? I can’t even read it like a story let alone spit that rhyme. Not gonna lie though….love Informer. Let’s just say if I’m rocking out to 90’s music and a little Snow appears, there’s no way in hell I’m going to hit next on Pandora. It’s a classic one hit wonder.

Hold up. Greatest Hits? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry right now so I’m just going to refill my glass of wine and let it sink in.

Snow (the Artist not the 5 inches we received in the Northeast today) has a Greatest Hits album? I actually was not aware he had more than one song let alone more than one hit.
I can’t even….speechless. Moving on.

Wait…is this what they mean when they say some questions are better left unanswered?



I already know the answer. They escaped because the Baja Men put the song on repeat and eventually the dogs just rebelled against the system and escaped. If there was an accomplice I have to think that DMX played a part. Let’s not forget “Get at Me Dog” could have been something to rile those canines up rather than just a laid back playful song we all initially thought it was.

#4 Fo’ Real.

Adam & Eve.


I have MANY questions with this one. Like how did they figure out where to put the damn thing?? I know it seems pretty obvious now but looking back to grammar school I was astounded at what I heard and can only imagine I heard way more than Adam or Eve did from the quiet chatter of the garden. I am really envious and can only hope if put in the same position that I’d be able to “make it work”. Ya feel me? Ya you know what I’m sayin…


Is there a heaven?

I have no idea but if there is, I imagine it looks something like this…


Dear God!

I always thought this would be an amazing experience and you have not disappointed! Thank you for always looking after me while I was down there and now while I visit….errr…I mean live for eternity up here. I just feel so welcome (it’s the booze but don’t be afraid to stock up on the vino as well) 🙂


PS….Can’t wait to meet 2Pac…where ya hiding him? I won’t tell Biggie, promise.
(Cheers man…throw ya glass up)

To sum it up…we’ll always have questions thrown at us that we may not know the answers to but I have found there a few responses that are universal and can pretty much apply to anything and everything. Let me leave you with what has saved my ass in multiple situations….whether it be unknown answers to questions, awkward situations or a grumbling stomach I give you the key to the castle:



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I got a case of the MUNCHIES.

I’m hungry! Feed me.20130607-235144.jpg

We’ve all heard this said by one of our friends at one time or another whether they’re high, drunk, starved, on a juice diet, whatever it is. We all know it. Those people just need food. I call them “those people” because of course we ourselves are never those people. Haha just kidding. When it comes to eating while drunk I’m ALWAYS one of “those people”. And nine times outta ten, my undying love for pizza is made known to all.

I try to refrain from the “drunken munchies” but about three seconds into those thoughts I’m on the phone…”Ya ya, I see you got a special for three medium pizzas. I’ll take one cheese, one pep, and one with green pepper and ham. Hmm, better throw in some cheese breadsticks too. Oh wait, you got any of those cinnastix or cinnabuns or cinnawhatever you got? I’ll take some extra icing too.” I don’t wanna have to skimp when I’m dipping those things in or worse yet having to compensate with whatever salad dressing is in my fridge circa 2012.

So when people drink sometimes they become happy, sad, tired, angry, funny, hyper, awesome, grumpy or any variation of the aforementioned. Some also grow the biggest beer muscles known to man and others have stomachs that turn into a sort of crater in the ground waiting to swallow the world whole.

So who am I? I’m the one that gets a little too excited over the prospect of food. Get me drunk, give me food and I’m a happy camper. 20130607-225414.jpgI’m not completely sure just yet, but pizza may just be my soulmate. Yes, it’s gotten that serious….

For instance, tonight I ordered a medium ham and green pepper along with a whole thing of cheese breadsticks. I ate half the pizza and all the breadsticks and have yet to go to bed, therefore the remainder of that pizza is fair game. I blame the coupon deal they were offering online.

Anyways, some ask how I can eat that much in one sitting after (or in this case during) drinking. My response?
20130607-224327.jpg I wish I could explain why I get so hungry upon consumption of alcohol or why I feel the need to eat enough to feed a family of six. However, much like my other blog posts, there are just some things that can’t be explained.

I don’t have much left to say except it’s Friday night and for my fellow nine to fivers, that means we’ve got two whole days before we have to drag our asses back to work. So join me in raising your glasses, take a drink, live it up for the weekend and I’ll leave you with one last thought…

That’s a pretty good point made.
And on that note…peace out kids.

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