Posts Tagged With: kids

To have and to hold from this day forward…

Ahhh…settling down with a ring on your finger, 2.5 kids screaming in another room, all while staring out the window at that white picket fence in the yard. The American Dream.

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I however am a bit more, how shall I phrase it? Oh yes, unconventional. That’s a good word to use.

So I accompanied my “Man Friend” to a wedding this past weekend as one of his brothers was tying the knot. Weddings are always interesting especially if you’re asked to attend as a date of a family member of the bride or groom. There seems to be one general theme expressed by the family throughout the night and you quickly find out what that is.

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Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time but there’s no escaping the talk of ’til death do us part’ and little rugrats running around when attending a wedding…with a date…in your 30’s.

There are approximately 3 to 5 situations you’re guaranteed to find yourself in when attending the ceremony as the new “Lady Friend”. Listed below is just a myriad of situations you can find yourself in. I’m sure there are several others I have not mentioned.

1.  MEETING THE FAM. You might as well follow the bride and groom around to each table because you’ll be making the rounds.

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It’s so nice to meet you. Crap I already forgot their names…

2.  HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?

Well we dated off and on but didn’t get together officially for a bit.

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You could say we were trying to get our shit together. Because my shit is totally together now…I mean there’s no question about that…

3.  WELL HOW DID YOU CUTE KIDS MEET?

Oh well that’s a funny story. See…

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Nahhhh, I’m just kidding! I bumped into him on accident. I turned around and there was your handsome grandson just standing there, it’s true you really just find someone when you least expect it.

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4.  THE BOUQUET TOSS

There’s really no getting out of this one as everyone obviously knows you’re not married (they hope). Single ladies take this seriously though. There’s no messing around when it comes to this part of the evening because as we all know…whatever lucky girl makes it out of that rugby pile of women with the bouquet is said to be the “next”.

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Meanwhile:

go to the wine

What? I’m thirsty.
He better run and hide if he catches that garter…

5.  THE QUESTIONS. There’s no getting away from the aunts and uncles and grandparents that are just dying to know….

“Will we see you at Christmas?” But I hang out with MY family at Christmas…

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“So tell me, are you guys next?!?”

haha 2 min later

“What are you going to name the 7 children we would love for you to have?”

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Now Ma! I’m not kidding around!

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THE NEXT DAY. Discussing the wedding with your friends.

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Holidays? Marriage? Babies? At this rate I’ll be expected to spend multiple days a week with him! Sigh….

#LifeOfaCommitmentPhobe

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Birth Control Comes In All Forms…

So recently I spent the evening at a friends house to catch up, indulge in a bit of wine and enjoy a nice Thanksgiving type dinner. The thought of spending a relaxing night on the couch with my friend Kandi* really sounded quite nice. Okay, I’m on my way!

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I finally arrive at Kandi’s* house (west of the boondocks but just south of the middle of nowhere) and am greeted immediately by her two kids and a couple of barking dogs.

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“No, no kids. Not till Auntie E pours herself a glass of wine. It’s a Saturday night after all.Okay who am I kidding, it could be a Tuesday for all I know and I’d still be sniffing out the Pinot.

After settling in, I was able to spend some time with the baby. She is soooo ADORABLE, I just can’t get over it. It’s hard to believe she’s almost a year old already!

Sometimes I just feel like such a natural with kids. It must be that motherly instinct everyone talks about.

So things were a bit out of control…

“There you are Cliff!” Usually that cat doesn’t come out til later!

Anyways….there was some running, a bit of crying, jumping on the coffee table, barking, throwing toys as well as an abundance of screaming. Not to mention the fact that my wine was almost spilled on multiple occasions. Children these days really need to learn that spilled booze is a form of alcohol abuse…

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Seriously, I couldn’t even hear myself think. I don’t get how parents do it. Almost 2 hours in and I was already questioning my sanity.

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Time for dinner! So the turkey wasn’t quite done by the time we were ready to eat as it actually never started. It might as well have been still outside trying to escape becoming some family’s centerpiece on the Thanksgiving dinner table. Apparently you shouldn’t just “set it and forget it” when it comes to those outdoor fryers. Anyways, with some improvising (rotisserie chicken from the grocery store) we were good to go. Dinner was served!

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Don’t judge….I had some chicken and stuffing too.

After dinner I was introduced to Caillou. For those of you that don’t know what that is or have never heard of it (me being one of those people) it is a children’s television show and I gotta tell ya, it doesn’t appear to be one of those funny entertaining ones.

However after a few moments, all was quiet in that room. The children were silent. The adults sat back with their beverages and tried to be as still as possible hoping to savor the moment. Sadly that moment would not last though as Kandi’s* mother arrived to their house to pick up one of the dogs.

And then…there was more running, crying, jumping on the coffee table, throwing toys and even more screaming. My wine almost suffered a certain death several times again.

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There’s no doubt those kids are a couple of the cutest I’ve seen and I tove them lots but I also enjoy that I get to go home to a peaceful house. Oh that reminds me…I need to take my birth control.

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Disclaimer:  Auntie E loves you guys….M & I:)

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