Ahhh…settling down with a ring on your finger, 2.5 kids screaming in another room, all while staring out the window at that white picket fence in the yard. The American Dream.
I however am a bit more, how shall I phrase it? Oh yes, unconventional. That’s a good word to use.
So I accompanied my “Man Friend” to a wedding this past weekend as one of his brothers was tying the knot. Weddings are always interesting especially if you’re asked to attend as a date of a family member of the bride or groom. There seems to be one general theme expressed by the family throughout the night and you quickly find out what that is.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time but there’s no escaping the talk of ’til death do us part’ and little rugrats running around when attending a wedding…with a date…in your 30’s.
There are approximately 3 to 5 situations you’re guaranteed to find yourself in when attending the ceremony as the new “Lady Friend”. Listed below is just a myriad of situations you can find yourself in. I’m sure there are several others I have not mentioned.
1. MEETING THE FAM. You might as well follow the bride and groom around to each table because you’ll be making the rounds.
It’s so nice to meet you. Crap I already forgot their names…
2. HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?
Well we dated off and on but didn’t get together officially for a bit.
You could say we were trying to get our shit together. Because my shit is totally together now…I mean there’s no question about that…
3. WELL HOW DID YOU CUTE KIDS MEET?
Oh well that’s a funny story. See…
Nahhhh, I’m just kidding! I bumped into him on accident. I turned around and there was your handsome grandson just standing there, it’s true you really just find someone when you least expect it.
4. THE BOUQUET TOSS
There’s really no getting out of this one as everyone obviously knows you’re not married (they hope). Single ladies take this seriously though. There’s no messing around when it comes to this part of the evening because as we all know…whatever lucky girl makes it out of that rugby pile of women with the bouquet is said to be the “next”.
What? I’m thirsty.
He better run and hide if he catches that garter…
5. THE QUESTIONS. There’s no getting away from the aunts and uncles and grandparents that are just dying to know….
“Will we see you at Christmas?” But I hang out with MY family at Christmas…
“So tell me, are you guys next?!?”
“What are you going to name the 7 children we would love for you to have?”
Now Ma! I’m not kidding around!
THE NEXT DAY. Discussing the wedding with your friends.
Holidays? Marriage? Babies? At this rate I’ll be expected to spend multiple days a week with him! Sigh….