Posts Tagged With: fantasy football

To be adult or not to be….that is the question.

I’m an adult.

Priorities are important.

When you’re a responsible adult you need to keep track of things like work, appointments, bills, weddings/bridal showers/baby showers, the semi-annual sale at Victoria’s Secret, the season premiere of your favorite TV show, what night you’re going out for drinks, your weekly trip to the store to stock up on wine, the amount of vacation time you have left for work and the list goes on and on. Needless to say, it’s almost impossible to keep track of everything you might have going on and sometimes you’ll end up unintentionally “double-booked”. At this point you’ve got to make the tough decision as to what you should do and may have to sacrifice the fun for the obligations you have as a result of being an adult and doing adult things….like owning a condo.

This brings me to the present…

So I arrive home earlier this evening and am walking to the front door when all of a sudden I hear my name being called and a couple of neighbors walking my way. Of course one of them is the president of the condo association who usually wants to discuss association business at the most inopportune of times. I try to be as polite as possible and listen to what he has to say but to be completely honest, I’m really not all that interested.

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As they’re approaching closer and closer to me, I’m racking my brain for something to make the conversation end quickly. I’m thinking ‘I need to wash my hair’ isn’t going to work at this moment but ‘I need to drop the kids off’ might. Anyways after exchanging pleasantries with each other, I’m asked if I’ll be attending the annual condo association meeting to discuss the happenings of the land and elect a new cabinet of executives to lead us into battle.

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Damn it! Usually my Outlook calendar is pretty reliable in reminding me of what I’ve got going on but it must have forgot to inform me of this event. It certainly didn’t fail to notify me of my fantasy football draft that I have later this evening. Either that or I just forgot to enter it into my calendar?

Nah….that couldn’t be it.

Anyways, I had to make a split second decision as to whether I would do the responsible thing and leave to attend the association meeting or if I would continue making my way inside to prepare for my fantasy draft that comes but once a year. It’s like Christmas if we’re being real here.

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My thought process immediately went to the Pros and Cons of attending this meeting….

The last meeting I attended lasted almost 3 hours and there wasn’t even a vote for anything.
SO. BORING.

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What if I have to go to the bathroom?

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What if I’m thirsty?

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What if they ask me my opinion on something and I say the wrong thing?

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I’ll have to vote for a new President. How do I know who is worthy of such an honor? I mean I haven’t seen any ads promoting who’s running for what and I certainly haven’t heard any of the campaign speeches with promises of a Mimosa bar on Sunday’s in the lobby or beer pong tournaments the first Friday of each month. How am I supposed to make an educated decision with so little information?

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Those thoughts flashed through my mind as I realized I really need to be responsible and do the right thing though. I knew I should skip my fantasy football draft and leave my 2014 roster in the hands of the Fantasy Gods otherwise known as the Autodraft option. As much as I didn’t want to attend the condo association meeting, I knew I really should. I’m a homeowner. My decision was made.

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Later that evening:

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Yeah….I said I should be responsible, I didn’t say I would be! Dude my fantasy team is going to kick ass this year! Wooooooo!!!!

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Don’t Drink n’ Draft

That’s just a little bit of advice for all of you fantasy players out there. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way and other times you have to learn the hard way multiple times. In my case, I thought I learned my lesson 4 years ago when I took part in my first fantasy draft and was heavily intoxicated. Maybe it was the miracle of winning 1st place that year that I figured “hey, let’s try this again!” Anyways, I’m no longer a rookie and have no excuses to give but what I can offer are a few good reasons NOT to Draft Under the Influence. The end result of a DUI just isn’t worth it people.

First mistake…..Drafting your Tight End in the first round.  Guys, he’s one of the elite!

Oh crap! That’s right, Hernandez needs to figure out a couple things this season (or the next 25 to life).

Okay for real now.

1. It’s his year, I can feel it!

Seriously? Ya it happened and no I don’t want to talk about which round I took him in. I’ve only been cursing CJ2K for the past 2 years since he sat out training camp and pre-season prior to the 2011 season.

CJ2K (2011):  Show me the money!

FF Players (2011-2013):  SHOW ME THE TD’s! …..and yards. Seriously all jokes aside CJ, just give us like 1,500 yards this year or at least something consistent on a weekly basis. Sincerely, Everyone.

2. Who’s your QB?

F*CK.

3.  Beer Muscles.

This applies to most things when drinking and fantasy is no different. You can do no wrong and the sky is the limit. Draft that new rookie RB in the first round who’s poised for legendary greatness after two preseason games? Of course! He’s going to kill it this year! Oh, don’t worry about that ankle injury he went down with after the second pre-season game, he’s gonna be fiiiiiine.

4.  Ummm…you’re running out of time.

Me:

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5.  So how’s your team looking this year?

Listed below are actually a couple of real notes from one of my draft reports, more specifically the draft in which I thought vodka at 1pm on a Friday afternoon was a fantastic idea.

Draft Notes

      • Beginning with a Bang: E got off to a sizzling start, amassing the most projected points in the league during the first half of the draft.
      • Free Fallin’: The GM of E must have had to leave their draft party early. After tallying the most projected points in the league over the draft’s first half, they racked up the fewest during the second half.

As you can see, the alcohol clearly made itself at home in my body by the second half of the draft.

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Yikes.

Moral of the story is this:

By the end of the season, I’m either going to look like a complete genius or a total dumbass.

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Pfft who am I kidding…..I’m gonna win it all.

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