What’s up Doc?

Okay, let’s see a show of hands….who likes going to the doctor? Anyone? No? That’s what I thought.

We make appointments to see the doctor and we all know the drill. We know how this works. So, let’s take this moment though to go through a few of the highlights of the “Doctor’s Appointment”. We’ll use my vist today as an example.

1. The Arrival.
It’s the age old question….do you get there a bit early in hopes of getting in earlier or do you show up on time / a couple of minutes late hoping you can avoid a longer wait? Let’s be honest, it’s a lose / lose situation. You get there early and you’re waiting, you get there on time or late and you’re still waiting.

2. The Time is Now.
Well regardless of your chosen path, each time you see the Nurse walk out with clipboard in hand, you immediately find yourself thrown back to grade school gym class…palms sweaty, just waiting to see who will be picked next in dodgeball. You see others come and go and still you wait, but now…you’ve been chosen. You’re the one! However, as you stand up to walk away you briefly glance back to offer a sympathetic smile to others still waiting but then quickly resume your victory march out of there.

3. The Preliminary Consult.
You’re now walking down the hallway to one of the exam rooms where you’ll be weighed, have your blood pressure taken and then asked a series of questions to get to “know you better”. And this is all prior to the Doctor even entering the room. A couple of my faves are listed below.

Nurse: “Do you drink?”
Me: “Yes.”
Nurse: “Wine? Beer? Liquor?”
Me: “Yes.”
Nurse: “Which one?”
Me: All of them duhhh.
“Oh um yeah, I mean if I’m picking one than wine.” Are you offering?
Nurse: “How often do you drink? Daily? Weekly? Monthly?”
Me: “Ohh just here and there.”
Nurse: “Would you say you only have one drink at a time?”
Me: Well I try not to double fist it too often but ya know shit happens…“Ya, that sounds accurate.”

Nurse: “Do you Exercise?”
Me: “Why yes I do.” Finally I say yes and it’s not a lie!
Nurse: “How often would you say?”
Me: “4 to 5 times a week.”
Nurse: “What kind of exercise do you do?”
Me: In the words of Jillian Michaels.….”3 rotations of strength, cardio and abs. Approximately 3 minutes, 2 minutes and 1 minute respectively. Oh and of course a warm-up and cool-down period as well.”
Nurse: “Would you say you workout moderately or rigorously?”
Me: “I’d say moderately to rigorously. Okay, just moderately.” Damn….Rome wasn’t built in a day.

After gathering the information needed the Nurse lets you know that the Dr. will be with you soon and then steps out.

4. The Dr. Arrives.
This is actually the quickest part of the visit….”Alright, so take care then.” “Thanks Doc!”

5. The Exit.
This is where you’re led out to your original entrance and asked to check out with the receptionist. They will look at the Dr.’s notes and many times the Dr. will ask to schedule a follow up visit. Sometimes it’s a month, sometimes it’s more like half a year. This is where it gets interesting to me. The receptionist will then attempt to schedule said follow up 2, 3, 5 months from now. I only find this interesting because I can barely schedule my pedicures more than 3 hours in advance. And those are something I look forward to getting done.

Anyways, I made it in to the office around 12:30 today so all in all, not terrible. Not great either but I figure it could have been worse, the Dr. could have conducted the visit as if I was there for a colonoscopy…