The Adult Snow Day

As a kid, or even young adult, I took far too many things for granted that I have now come to miss greatly. For instance, as a student in school we were gifted with the occasional day off thanks to Mother Nature. You don’t realize this then but when you grown up and join the land of the working, your employer doesn’t actually give you the day off because a foot of snow is expected to fall and reek havoc on the day’s commute. You actually still have to work. I know right? I was a bit surprised too. Thankfully though, and I do consider myself fortunate to have this option, I’m allowed to work from home if need be…

…Thus providing me with the “Adult Snow Day”. What is this you ask? Well it means I’m still required to work, however, I can do it from the comforts of home!

ADULT SNOW DAY PERKS:

1. Sleeping in later than usual since there’s no bumper to bumper traffic or insanely long lines at the local coffee shop drive-thru to deal with!

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2.  No. Morning. Commute.

3.  Put “real” pants on? If I manage to make it to the shower I’m surprised. Pfft pants…

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4.  Don’t judge. I swear I work better with a few in me. Plus…why not?

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5.  Catching up on chores around the house is always an added bonus.

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6.  You can say whatever you want want without having to worry about offending anyone at the office.

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7.  You can also do whatever you want without having to worry about offending anyone at the office.

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8.  And finally, you can watch trash TV, I mean daytime talk shows, while kicking the mouse around every so often to keep your laptop from “falling asleep”.

With up to a foot of snow expected tomorrow, I’ll be partaking in the Adult Snow Day! And don’t forget to stock up on essentials in case you’re homebound for a day or two. You don’t want to be wishing you had hit the grocery store while you’re snowed in…trust me.

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I don’t even know!

Throughout my life I’ve been curious. Why is the sky blue, whatever happened to that curious monkey we called George, who the hell invented the English language and why with all the advancements in technology are we not flying around in hovercrafts Jetson’s style.

However if all my thoughts and ridiculous questions could be answered so easily I’d be a little concerned as to why I’m the only one still struggling to find the answers to this crap.

Crazy or not, I’ve assembled a few questions that I am just dying to know an answer to.

#1

How many licks does it really take?


I thought I cared but I really don’t give a shit. I’ve actually attempted to answer this by an elaborate scientific study but got bored halfway through much like the owl/bird above and just bit the damn tootsie pop. As that chick says “Ain’t nobody got time for dat”. This question does not count.

#1  Fo’ Real.

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Alright people, I’m just asking what we’re all thinking….Why the hell order 11 pizzas and only ONE of them is cheese? Come on, how many combinations of toppings are there really? Trust me, you’re not going to miss out on a “winner” by ordering an extra cheese. I don’t want to be a hater but really Mrs. McAllister? Work with Kevin a bit here, he got the short end of the stick with dinner and you wanted to have him sleep with the kid that pees the bed. Damn it no wonder there was a sequel and he got misplaced…again.

#2
Can you literally drink yourself to death in one sitting?

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Please don’t let these be my last words.

I heard about this famous dude that was sitting on a bar stool and next thing ya know, he keeled right over. Sad story…but also epic. Don’t shake your head like I’m crazy. As much as I despise the thought of anyone passing, I can’t help the fact that if it’s my time to go then I’d prefer it to be one hell of a story. If I swallow my last sip of wine while inhaling my final breath, I hope my friends argue or even bitch fight over who gets to keep the last bottle of wine I ever consumed. It would become one hell of a mantle piece and that mantle would be Legen….wait for it…dary! No lie, it would be awesome. It’d be almost like they were fighting over who gets to keep my ashes, actually that wine bottle would make a nice urn….Hmmm…just a thought my friends.
Epilogue: I have just googled this to gain further information and have found that this “famous person” above may not exist and I may have created this scenario in my mind. The jury is still out. Either way I’m very interested in this topic as it may play a part in my demise one day.

#3
What was Snow really rapping about?

Seriously? I can’t even read it like a story let alone spit that rhyme. Not gonna lie though….love Informer. Let’s just say if I’m rocking out to 90’s music and a little Snow appears, there’s no way in hell I’m going to hit next on Pandora. It’s a classic one hit wonder.

Hold up. Greatest Hits? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry right now so I’m just going to refill my glass of wine and let it sink in.

Snow (the Artist not the 5 inches we received in the Northeast today) has a Greatest Hits album? I actually was not aware he had more than one song let alone more than one hit.
I can’t even….speechless. Moving on.

Wait…is this what they mean when they say some questions are better left unanswered?

#4

KIDDING!….Again.

I already know the answer. They escaped because the Baja Men put the song on repeat and eventually the dogs just rebelled against the system and escaped. If there was an accomplice I have to think that DMX played a part. Let’s not forget “Get at Me Dog” could have been something to rile those canines up rather than just a laid back playful song we all initially thought it was.

#4 Fo’ Real.

Adam & Eve.

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I have MANY questions with this one. Like how did they figure out where to put the damn thing?? I know it seems pretty obvious now but looking back to grammar school I was astounded at what I heard and can only imagine I heard way more than Adam or Eve did from the quiet chatter of the garden. I am really envious and can only hope if put in the same position that I’d be able to “make it work”. Ya feel me? Ya you know what I’m sayin…

#5

Is there a heaven?

I have no idea but if there is, I imagine it looks something like this…

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Dear God!

I always thought this would be an amazing experience and you have not disappointed! Thank you for always looking after me while I was down there and now while I visit….errr…I mean live for eternity up here. I just feel so welcome (it’s the booze but don’t be afraid to stock up on the vino as well) 🙂

Sincerely,
eSkillz

PS….Can’t wait to meet 2Pac…where ya hiding him? I won’t tell Biggie, promise.
(Cheers man…throw ya glass up)

To sum it up…we’ll always have questions thrown at us that we may not know the answers to but I have found there a few responses that are universal and can pretty much apply to anything and everything. Let me leave you with what has saved my ass in multiple situations….whether it be unknown answers to questions, awkward situations or a grumbling stomach I give you the key to the castle:

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TRUE STORY.

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Home for the Holidays

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas….what a wonderful time of the year! It’s a time to spend with family and friends and enjoy that holiday cheer! It’s important though to remember what the season is all about and appreciate the chance you get to spend with your loved ones.

“Mom, dad….I’m home!”

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So I’m at the parent’s house a couple of days before Christmas and head out for drinks with friends. I arrive back at the house around 9:30 or so, pop open a bottle of wine and sit down to watch the rest of Monday Night Football. As I’m sitting there enjoying the game (and more wine) I thought it might be nice to let them know I’ve made it in safely for the night.

Looking back, I probably didn’t need to alert them to my presense by yelling especially since it was about 11pm and the ‘rents go to bed around 8:30 or 9. I turn around to see my mother. Of course I said hello.

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My dad didn’t appreciate the humor. Whatevs.

The next morning I awake to work a bit and get ready for the busy day ahead.

I really planned on putting in a solid 3 hours for Christmas Eve (til noon) however plans change and you can’t control it. After all, twas the morning before Christmas…

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Twas the afternoon before Christmas and I was even more bored..

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Christmas Eve we spent with family roaming around town to different places eventually making our way back to the homestead. As soon as we got home it was time for the onesie. And another drink.

That’s actually Taylor Swift and her bro in onesie’s but you get the idea. I’ll have you know I rocked the onsie and I may be a bit biased but have to say…I was adorable!

Christmas moring I’m awoken by my mom telling me to get up so we can all open presents. I really had the urge to roll over and fall back asleep but it’s amazing the power that the smell of bacon has on someone. So I haul my ass out of bed, follow the smell of sizzling bacon, pour myself a drink and get excited at the thought of opening gifts and eating a homemade breakfast.

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Opening gifts in my family is always quite the experience. My dad’s a professional wrapper so it’s usually difficult to do as good a job as he does.

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Hope everyone had a happy holiday!

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Friday night….time to get crazy.

Ahh Friday at 5pm…what a beautiful beast you are for us nine-to-fivers.

It’s the weekend! So obviously there’s a few things I want to do tonight and I’m hoping it doesn’t get too crazy. I need to change my sheets, fold the mountain of laundry in the spare bedroom that continues to grow every time I wash another load and also take out the trash. Oh and if I have some time, I’ll catch up on the Dexter DVD from Netflix that’s been sitting on my coffee table for the past month and a half. Oh and check the mail. I NEED to check my mail.

Wait it’s Friday, when the hell did I turn 80?

Oh well, first things first. Time for a glass of wine.

5:29pm – First sip….yummy.

5:33pm – Let’s knock some stuff off my to-do list for the evening. Dexter Season 7 Episode 1. Who’s up next on your kill table Dex?

Sometimes I sit at my desk at work and think about this as co-workers talk to me.

6:28pm – One more episode of Dexter and then it’s on to something else productive. Let’s fill up the wine glass again though. Don’t judge me.

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Assholes.

6:55pm – I find myself sympathizing with Dexter the ‘serial killer’ and oddly attracted to him. Is that weird? Probably. But’s he’s cute! In a strange way. Whatevs.

PAUSE!

more wine

7:23pm – Screw it there’s one more episode on this DVD. It would be wrong to stop now.

8:22pm – Chore #1 COMPLETE. Dexter’s been checked off the list. I feel pretty accomplished right now. Now would be the time to walk out to the mailbox and put that DVD in while retrieving the mail I haven’t checked in about 5 weeks. And doing that in 5, 4, 3, 2, let’s save that for the morning.

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8:30pm – While I heat up some food I’ll knock something else off the list. Chore #2 COMPLETE! I took out the trash.

8:41pm – OMG I’m so hungry.

9:02pm – Mother f*cker! I forgot to take out the pizza boxes with the trash. Remind me to add that to tomorrow’s list. I was hoping to be able to relax but now I’ve already got shit to do.

9:09pm – Where the hell is the rest of my wine? Must be a damn hole in the bottle. This is bullshit.

10:18pm – I’m watching a Christmas movie on Lifetime. Dear God what has happened to me…it’s a Friday night, never mind the fact we haven’t even hit Thanksgiving yet. I remember the days when it was all shots of patrone and dancing on top of bars and now here I am…

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My To-Do list for tomorrow:

– Take out the pizza boxes.
– Fold the mountain of laundry that I may or may not get to tonight.
– Get my mail.
– Stock up on wine.
– Call mom to say hi.
– Go grocery shopping.

It’s like there’s no end to responsibility when you’re an adult.

shit sucks

11:32pm – I am completely wrapped up in this Lifetime movie. That chick should win an Oscar for her performance!

Agreed…I should go to bed now. Goodnight.

WTF!…I need to put sheets on my bed cus I tore them off earlier in an effort to make myself go to sleep in a clean bed.

shit shit shit

Ugh Chore #3 to be completed ASAP.

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Okay…One more.

I really do believe I start off my endeavors with the best of intentions, however I find more and more that it sure as hell doesn’t take long for those plans to go off course. In my defense though, life is short.

——————————————————————————–

Let’s take for instance this past Saturday night. I’m in my 30’s and so I keep feeling I should probably start acting my age. What better way to do that than to go out on a Saturday night for dinner and limit myself to just a drink or two.

Pfft….I can do that.

cheers

Alright things are going well, I’ve had dinner and a couple of glasses of wine. Okay and maybe a beer or two but who’s counting? Anyways the point is we paid the check and headed out of the bar before the clock even hit 9:30. Now that’s impressive. Gotta tell ya, I was feelin’ pretty responsible and grown up at that moment.

So we’re walking over to our vehicles and what do ya know, there’s a bar right next to where we parked! “Oh, let’s just stop in for one real quick. One and done, that’s it.”

As soon as I got a drink, I looked across the bar and noticed my brother and some of his friends. That would be the moment it proceeded to go downhill. I can’t say no to partying!

From there, well you know how it goes….

Picture time!

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Hit the dance floor? OK!

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I’m thirsty. Problem solved!

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Are they bumpin’ Salt n Pepa right now? Awww shit, that’s my jam! I’m ready to rap it out karaoke style.

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So a little while later I’m there on the dance floor with my brother’s best friend dancing to something classy (I think either Back That Ass Up or Bitch Betta Have My Money) when this girl comes over and starts putting the moves on me.

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She proceeds to start talking to us and Leroy* thought that saying we were celebrating our three year anniversary might send her on her way. Nope. She let us know that for $200 we could have her for the night. Haha you’re funny girl!

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It took me a moment to realize what was happening. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the fact that I’ve never been propositioned quite like that…but needless to say I was left a bit speechless. So I did what anyone else would do right?

To the bar Leroy*!

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At this point I was a bit disturbed at what just had transpired so of course I had to address it.

Me: Are you serious???
Leroy*: I know! That was totally a hooker!
Me: No, you’re really gonna take me to the Wave for our three year anniversary!?!?
Leroy*: Oh well ya, I told her this is where we first met!
Me: Aww, you’re such a romantic Leroy*!

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I kid I kid. I didn’t really do that! Ok maybe I thought it, but I didn’t do it.

———————————————————————————-

Well that Saturday night out has already become a story that we’ll laugh about for years to come. I didn’t get home until well into the early morning, my car slept at the parking lot downtown, and I was a bit hungover the next day but the night was a success. It was a success because it was fun.

As ridiculous as it was and in the grand scheme of things it was just another drunken evening, however the moral of my story is this….

Try all you want to limit yourself and create rules to reflect how you ‘should’ be acting but at the end of the day who has more fun? The drooling dog chained to the lamp post 10 feet away from the hot dog stand or the kid in the candy store who’s let off his leash with a $20 bill?

You decide.

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*As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty.

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Birth Control Comes In All Forms…

So recently I spent the evening at a friends house to catch up, indulge in a bit of wine and enjoy a nice Thanksgiving type dinner. The thought of spending a relaxing night on the couch with my friend Kandi* really sounded quite nice. Okay, I’m on my way!

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I finally arrive at Kandi’s* house (west of the boondocks but just south of the middle of nowhere) and am greeted immediately by her two kids and a couple of barking dogs.

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“No, no kids. Not till Auntie E pours herself a glass of wine. It’s a Saturday night after all.Okay who am I kidding, it could be a Tuesday for all I know and I’d still be sniffing out the Pinot.

After settling in, I was able to spend some time with the baby. She is soooo ADORABLE, I just can’t get over it. It’s hard to believe she’s almost a year old already!

Sometimes I just feel like such a natural with kids. It must be that motherly instinct everyone talks about.

So things were a bit out of control…

“There you are Cliff!” Usually that cat doesn’t come out til later!

Anyways….there was some running, a bit of crying, jumping on the coffee table, barking, throwing toys as well as an abundance of screaming. Not to mention the fact that my wine was almost spilled on multiple occasions. Children these days really need to learn that spilled booze is a form of alcohol abuse…

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Seriously, I couldn’t even hear myself think. I don’t get how parents do it. Almost 2 hours in and I was already questioning my sanity.

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Time for dinner! So the turkey wasn’t quite done by the time we were ready to eat as it actually never started. It might as well have been still outside trying to escape becoming some family’s centerpiece on the Thanksgiving dinner table. Apparently you shouldn’t just “set it and forget it” when it comes to those outdoor fryers. Anyways, with some improvising (rotisserie chicken from the grocery store) we were good to go. Dinner was served!

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Don’t judge….I had some chicken and stuffing too.

After dinner I was introduced to Caillou. For those of you that don’t know what that is or have never heard of it (me being one of those people) it is a children’s television show and I gotta tell ya, it doesn’t appear to be one of those funny entertaining ones.

However after a few moments, all was quiet in that room. The children were silent. The adults sat back with their beverages and tried to be as still as possible hoping to savor the moment. Sadly that moment would not last though as Kandi’s* mother arrived to their house to pick up one of the dogs.

And then…there was more running, crying, jumping on the coffee table, throwing toys and even more screaming. My wine almost suffered a certain death several times again.

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There’s no doubt those kids are a couple of the cutest I’ve seen and I tove them lots but I also enjoy that I get to go home to a peaceful house. Oh that reminds me…I need to take my birth control.

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Disclaimer:  Auntie E loves you guys….M & I:)

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Don’t Drink n’ Draft

That’s just a little bit of advice for all of you fantasy players out there. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way and other times you have to learn the hard way multiple times. In my case, I thought I learned my lesson 4 years ago when I took part in my first fantasy draft and was heavily intoxicated. Maybe it was the miracle of winning 1st place that year that I figured “hey, let’s try this again!” Anyways, I’m no longer a rookie and have no excuses to give but what I can offer are a few good reasons NOT to Draft Under the Influence. The end result of a DUI just isn’t worth it people.

First mistake…..Drafting your Tight End in the first round.  Guys, he’s one of the elite!

Oh crap! That’s right, Hernandez needs to figure out a couple things this season (or the next 25 to life).

Okay for real now.

1. It’s his year, I can feel it!

Seriously? Ya it happened and no I don’t want to talk about which round I took him in. I’ve only been cursing CJ2K for the past 2 years since he sat out training camp and pre-season prior to the 2011 season.

CJ2K (2011):  Show me the money!

FF Players (2011-2013):  SHOW ME THE TD’s! …..and yards. Seriously all jokes aside CJ, just give us like 1,500 yards this year or at least something consistent on a weekly basis. Sincerely, Everyone.

2. Who’s your QB?

F*CK.

3.  Beer Muscles.

This applies to most things when drinking and fantasy is no different. You can do no wrong and the sky is the limit. Draft that new rookie RB in the first round who’s poised for legendary greatness after two preseason games? Of course! He’s going to kill it this year! Oh, don’t worry about that ankle injury he went down with after the second pre-season game, he’s gonna be fiiiiiine.

4.  Ummm…you’re running out of time.

Me:

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5.  So how’s your team looking this year?

Listed below are actually a couple of real notes from one of my draft reports, more specifically the draft in which I thought vodka at 1pm on a Friday afternoon was a fantastic idea.

Draft Notes

      • Beginning with a Bang: E got off to a sizzling start, amassing the most projected points in the league during the first half of the draft.
      • Free Fallin’: The GM of E must have had to leave their draft party early. After tallying the most projected points in the league over the draft’s first half, they racked up the fewest during the second half.

As you can see, the alcohol clearly made itself at home in my body by the second half of the draft.

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Yikes.

Moral of the story is this:

By the end of the season, I’m either going to look like a complete genius or a total dumbass.

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Pfft who am I kidding…..I’m gonna win it all.

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The 7 Stages of Candy Crush Addiction

Ok people raise your hands if you’ve ever heard of Candy Crush.

Alright, how many of you have not only heard of it but play it as well?

Now this is a judgement free zone so don’t be afraid to be honest…..

Who here thought they’d start playing a new game in their down time that would give them a bit of a distraction from the hustle and bustle of their everyday lives and realize now that you sold your soul to the devil himself and those little “candies” falling from the top of your iphone or ipad screen are really just a form of electronic heroin?

Good, I’m not alone.

I’m going to now take you through the 7 stages of Candy Crush addiction.

STAGE 1: Experimentation

Maybe it’s time to try something new?? I mean it’s got like 5 stars in the iTunes App Store.

STAGE 2:  Jubilation

You’re on Cloud 9 right now! You’ve finally found an entertaining game to pass the time while sitting in the Dr’s office, waiting for the boys at Jiffy Lube to finish up your oil change or even to consume all of your free time.

STAGE 3:  King of the World

No explanation needed. You are the best and there’s no denying it.

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I’m on Level 39 bitches! Wait what? There’s how many levels!??

STAGE 4:  Realization

There are currently over 385 levels in Candy Crush. Apparently not all of them can be beaten easily.

STAGE 5:  Anger

Realization turns to anger. Why? Why?? Seriously have you never played this damn game?!?! It’s frustrating as hell. I just spent 2 weeks trying to beat one friggin level! Now tell me again how I should stay calm? I’m out of lives #$&%#&^#$!

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STAGE 6:  Denial

Just breathe, just breathe. It will be okay, you don’t have a problem like everyone says. The only “problem” you have is they only give you 5 damn lives at a time and make you wait 30 minutes for them to recharge.

I’m fine, really I’m fine!

STAGE 7:  Acceptance

There comes a point where you just know. That time has come.

In the end I was forced to face reality.

FOLLOW UP:  30 Days Later

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Me:  I think I’m doing a lot better now though Doc. Haven’t played that damn game in a month!

Doc:  We took away your phone and access to all electronics when you entered the facility.

Me:  Ya, that was a bitch. You got any beer in that fridge Doc? I don’t feel like running back to my room to grab one.

Doc:  ……

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#TWERKin at the VMA’s

In case you missed it, the MTV Video Music Awards were held last night in Brooklyn, NY and of course it had its fair share of the good, bad and ugly. We all watch for different reasons but for me it’s about seeing the performances, the crazy outfits and who gets “Kanye’d” next. Oh and I heard N’Sync would be reuniting for the night soooo yeah I was pretty much sold on viewing it.

Listen boys….Hate the game, not the playa. Time to move on.

Anyways, N’Sync did perform on stage together….for about 37 seconds. If you blinked there’s a good chance you missed it, however Justin killed it with a 15 minute performance that showed just why he earned that Michael Jackson Vanguard Award. As amazing as JT was last night though, he still wasn’t the one to steal the show. That honor goes to none other than Miley Cyrus.

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I really hope you all tuned in (or at least YouTube’d it today) for the first episode of Hannah Montana: The College Years.

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Dad, look what I learned freshmen year in college!!! They told me Stripper 101 was full but I managed to sneak my way into that class! I’m so glad I did, look at this booty shake!

I’m just kidding around guys, I didn’t mean to say that….there is no Hannah Montana: The College Years series. I’m sorry if I got your hopes up.

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So Miley’s performance certainly received some mixed reviews from those at home watching as well as those in the crowd. We were lucky enough to capture a few reactions.

The Smith Family:

My bad, that was their reaction to Justin’s performance. This is what they thought of Miley’s:

Rihanna & One Direction:

Liam Hemsworth (the fiance):

Apparently she’s “twerking” but we don’t know Liam, we just don’t know!

Taylor Swift & Selena Gomez:

Taylor: Oh thank god, the attention’s not on me for once! At least I don’t feel myself up (or in this case down) with a foam finger while millions of people watch.

Selena: I’m so proud of you T. By the way, did you see Harry tonight? He’s looking pretty good.

Lady Gaga:

Actually, I don’t think she really had any idea what was going on.

One of the contestant’s on Family Feud:

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The Los Angeles Lakers:

Fat Amy:

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Even Kitty from That 70’s Show didn’t know what to make of it:

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E! Online chimed in as well:

Come on guys, I think we all know who the real victims are here. Yes, those poor teddy bears. They’ll never recover from something like this.

Alright, back to Liam:

It’s not a joke Liam! This really happened, it was a live show! Poor guy.

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It’s GO Time

Let’s talk about boxes.

I know random topic but hear me out.

Some boxes are small and some are big. Some are rectangular while others are square. Some are new and have to assemble yourself whereas others look as though they’ve been dropped out of a moving truck and kicked around the block a time or two. Regardless of the box though, they can be used for all kinds of things.

A few examples:

The MOVING box(es) you haul inside your new place swearing that you won’t do anything else until they’re all unpacked and everything’s cleaned up. Haha ya right, I need to update my blog people. No time to waste unpacking.

The STORAGE box(es) that for some people originally began as moving boxes and eventually turned into storage boxes after 3 years of never having unpacked them. They actually make very nice shelves in addition to storage now.

The FRAGILE box that contains the expensive wedding china that’s been in your family for decades which you’re passing on to your newly married daughter that lives out of state. There’s no reason to worry that it will be damaged en route. It’s in the hands of the Postal Service!

The MYSTERY box is one you unexpectedly find somewhere in your house and just scratch your head thinking…Great, what the hell is in here? It says “may be awesome” which could mean it’s full of porn and gummy bears but with my luck it’s probably old tupperware and sheets now covered in mouse droppings. That “warning” label is just throwing me off. Why would I warn myself if the contents were awesome? I’m highly skeptical at the moment.

mystery_box-1

The DICK IN THE box that you can give as a Christmas gift to that special someone. Seriously…who doesn’t want that?

And finally we have…

The GO box. Not to be confused with the TO GO box (pictured on the right).

What is THE GO BOX you ask? The Go Box is the box you prepare ahead of time and keep at your place of employment. It should be kept readily available to grab and fill at a moments notice. You have to be able to grab it and sweep everything off your desk that you would miss if you had to leave behind. It’s helpful to keep all things that you care about in a close knit area of your workspace as there’s really no time to waste.

DISCLAIMER:  This box is strictly for emergency use only…meaning it’s to use in those situations where you find yourself in need of a quick getaway. This is not to be taken lightly and cannot just be pulled out to dump stuff in on a weekly basis when you feel like having a temper tantrum. This is far too significant to be used because you still can’t understand why Tequila Tuesday after 3pm at the office has not been implemented. Trust me, I love to down Patrone as much as the next guy but you have to pick your battles folks.

So what kind of situation would this “GO Box” be valuable?

EXAMPLE 1:  You come back to your cube after lunch and find this on your whiteboard.

After which you accidentally find yourself in your boss’s office…

And when you run out of their office continuing to chant “Suck it bitch” down the hall, it helps to be able to grab your GO BOX quickly as you’ll most likely be escorted out of the building and won’t have the opportunity to pack up all your belongings from your desk.

EXAMPLE 2: You have had it up to here with the company, your boss, your co-workers and the plant at the end of the hallway.

You. Are. Done. Again, the GO BOX comes in handy.

I’m not sure if everyone is aware of The GO Box or if it’s just something I came up with after the Great Freakout of June 2013 but either way I feel the need to inform you all. This could be a new phenomenon and if it isn’t already then don’t be left out kids, life’s too short.

PS…You may be wondering what The GO Box looks like? It looks like anything you want it to be. My preference is the large FedEx type box as it’s not too big but not too small either. Also, it has that peel off sticker part for easy closure.  Just throw your crap in, close it up and run like the wind. Or Forrest. Yes, run like Forrest. What? You never know if the cops are far behind.

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