Don’t Drink n’ Draft

That’s just a little bit of advice for all of you fantasy players out there. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way and other times you have to learn the hard way multiple times. In my case, I thought I learned my lesson 4 years ago when I took part in my first fantasy draft and was heavily intoxicated. Maybe it was the miracle of winning 1st place that year that I figured “hey, let’s try this again!” Anyways, I’m no longer a rookie and have no excuses to give but what I can offer are a few good reasons NOT to Draft Under the Influence. The end result of a DUI just isn’t worth it people.

First mistake…..Drafting your Tight End in the first round.  Guys, he’s one of the elite!

Oh crap! That’s right, Hernandez needs to figure out a couple things this season (or the next 25 to life).

Okay for real now.

1. It’s his year, I can feel it!

Seriously? Ya it happened and no I don’t want to talk about which round I took him in. I’ve only been cursing CJ2K for the past 2 years since he sat out training camp and pre-season prior to the 2011 season.

CJ2K (2011):  Show me the money!

FF Players (2011-2013):  SHOW ME THE TD’s! …..and yards. Seriously all jokes aside CJ, just give us like 1,500 yards this year or at least something consistent on a weekly basis. Sincerely, Everyone.

2. Who’s your QB?

F*CK.

3.  Beer Muscles.

This applies to most things when drinking and fantasy is no different. You can do no wrong and the sky is the limit. Draft that new rookie RB in the first round who’s poised for legendary greatness after two preseason games? Of course! He’s going to kill it this year! Oh, don’t worry about that ankle injury he went down with after the second pre-season game, he’s gonna be fiiiiiine.

4.  Ummm…you’re running out of time.

Me:

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5.  So how’s your team looking this year?

Listed below are actually a couple of real notes from one of my draft reports, more specifically the draft in which I thought vodka at 1pm on a Friday afternoon was a fantastic idea.

Draft Notes

      • Beginning with a Bang: E got off to a sizzling start, amassing the most projected points in the league during the first half of the draft.
      • Free Fallin’: The GM of E must have had to leave their draft party early. After tallying the most projected points in the league over the draft’s first half, they racked up the fewest during the second half.

As you can see, the alcohol clearly made itself at home in my body by the second half of the draft.

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Yikes.

Moral of the story is this:

By the end of the season, I’m either going to look like a complete genius or a total dumbass.

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Pfft who am I kidding…..I’m gonna win it all.

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