The 7 Stages of Candy Crush Addiction

Ok people raise your hands if you’ve ever heard of Candy Crush.

Alright, how many of you have not only heard of it but play it as well?

Now this is a judgement free zone so don’t be afraid to be honest…..

Who here thought they’d start playing a new game in their down time that would give them a bit of a distraction from the hustle and bustle of their everyday lives and realize now that you sold your soul to the devil himself and those little “candies” falling from the top of your iphone or ipad screen are really just a form of electronic heroin?

Good, I’m not alone.

I’m going to now take you through the 7 stages of Candy Crush addiction.

STAGE 1: Experimentation

Maybe it’s time to try something new?? I mean it’s got like 5 stars in the iTunes App Store.

STAGE 2:  Jubilation

You’re on Cloud 9 right now! You’ve finally found an entertaining game to pass the time while sitting in the Dr’s office, waiting for the boys at Jiffy Lube to finish up your oil change or even to consume all of your free time.

STAGE 3:  King of the World

No explanation needed. You are the best and there’s no denying it.


I’m on Level 39 bitches! Wait what? There’s how many levels!??

STAGE 4:  Realization

There are currently over 385 levels in Candy Crush. Apparently not all of them can be beaten easily.

STAGE 5:  Anger

Realization turns to anger. Why? Why?? Seriously have you never played this damn game?!?! It’s frustrating as hell. I just spent 2 weeks trying to beat one friggin level! Now tell me again how I should stay calm? I’m out of lives #$&%#&^#$!


STAGE 6:  Denial

Just breathe, just breathe. It will be okay, you don’t have a problem like everyone says. The only “problem” you have is they only give you 5 damn lives at a time and make you wait 30 minutes for them to recharge.

I’m fine, really I’m fine!

STAGE 7:  Acceptance

There comes a point where you just know. That time has come.

In the end I was forced to face reality.

FOLLOW UP:  30 Days Later


Me:  I think I’m doing a lot better now though Doc. Haven’t played that damn game in a month!

Doc:  We took away your phone and access to all electronics when you entered the facility.

Me:  Ya, that was a bitch. You got any beer in that fridge Doc? I don’t feel like running back to my room to grab one.

Doc:  ……

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