Guys, I gotta go home now…

Saturday Afternoon 3pm:

“Might as well have a drink while I’m sitting at the water soaking up the hot sun. I’m going to chill tonight though, there’s no need to get drunk every weekend.”

I say this as I sit with my mother (who offers a proud smile), my dad (who scrunches his forehead trying to determine if I really said that) and my brother (who just says “ya, ok” and starts laughing).

“What are you laughing at?”

So it’s now night time and I find myself getting ready to board a party boat full of crazies. I have actually been taking it easy so far, I mean I’m not “sober” by even the most liberal of breathalyzer tests but I’m not all hammed up either. However that would soon change as the Dr. decided to join in on the ride.


Temptation is a royal bitch.

Jello shots? Why not.

Followed by…

The result:

So now it’s about 12:45 or so and my brother and his girlfriend want to be dropped off at my parents so they can go to bed. Haha I’m outdrinking my 25 year old bro!

“Pffft you can’t pahhty!”

Of course all the guys on the boat are loving the fact that I stay on the boat to continue on the night and my bro bows out gracefully. But suddenly tragedy strikes when my brother’s friend on the boat gets a phone call.

Me – “Oh hey mom. Why are you calling Tom’s* phone?”
Mom – “Hi honey, maybe they should drop you off too. You need to eat something, you didn’t have dinner earlier.”
Me – “Ya, I’ll grab something from the fridge when I get dropped off later, I’m good ma!”

At this point everyone is quiet because it’s funny as hell that we’re all adults and my mother is calling a friends phone to summons me home. I look over and it’s like they can’t wait to see what happens next.

Mom – “Oh why don’t you just come home now, have the boys drop you off. I’ll see you in a few!”
Me – “But mom, I don’t wanna come home. It’s not that late and I’m not hungry.”
Mom – “Just come home you’re plates ready, it’s on the counter.”
Me – “Ugh fine mom. Bye.”

“Guys mom said I have to go home.” Wait a minute…I’m 32 years old and I just listened to my mother when she said come home.

One word. Awkward.

I might be listening to my mother and on my way home but that doesn’t mean I don’t partayyy to the end.

Everyone on the boat  – “Do it, do it, do it!!!”

Oh I did it. I ain’t scared.

Then I stumbled off the boat, with beer in hand, onto the dock and made my way inside. “Hi ma.”

HAHAHAHA psyche! I’m 32 years old!

Mom did have a big ass plate of food waiting for me on the counter though. Me + drunk + late night = I LOVE FOOOOOOOOD! Ya ya ya.

SIDE NOTE: If anyone was wondering what became of the good Dr. that night…..he had to call a taxi.


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