I. Hate. Mail.

I’d like to take this moment to let everyone in on a little secret of mine. I hate mail. I absolutely despise it. Mail sucks, especially junk mail.
I tend to forget all about my mailbox. Some people really look forward to to it and check it daily. Yes, daily! I couldn’t believe it either. People are waiting for important packages, invites, coupons and the latest deals at whatever grocery store or retail outlet feels the need to print out a 50 page booklet to show everything physically available in their store. If I’m not mistaken I think there’s a website for that? I suppose some people are even waiting for bills to arrive.

Personally, I’m really not intrigued by any of the previously mentioned. Trust me, I enjoy getting packages because that’s usually the good stuff (i.e. things you order online) but to be honest I get all of that delivered to the office I work at. Sometimes I even forget I’ve ordered anything so when it arrives it’s like “Merry Christmas to me!”. Anyways, back to the matter at hand. Mail.

Okay, so I lied at the beginning. The fact I can’t stand mail isn’t a secret but I still feel the need to share this story.

I live in a condo complex with two doors to enter the secure building. One entrance holds the mailboxes for all residents but I happen to enter through the second door so I never pass by said mailboxes. 20130606-195123.jpgCombine that with the fact that I dislike mail and it’s a recipe for disaster…as was evidenced tonight when I arrived to my door.

This has never actually happened to me before. Don’t get me wrong, normally when I finally check my mailbox, it’s filled to the top and looks like I’ve grabbed it just in time before the mailman literally goes postal on me. This time it appears there was absolutely no more mail that could be fit into that box though because I walked up to my door and there was a full United States Postal Service bin just sitting there waiting for me. At first I was like “oh man, I really need to get my shit together and start checking my mail more often” but then after I picked up the bin and walked inside I was like “oh man, this is way better than checking the mail myself, the mailman brought it right to my front door!”.

All was well and good until I emptied out the bin and went through the loads of crap several hundred trees had to die for.
20130606-195304.jpgIt was at this time I realized how long it had been since I actually opened my mailbox (I don’t feel it necessary to actually pinpoint a date for you). I absolutely understand bills need to be paid and that is why I have placed my normal monthly bills on automatic payments. However I had forgotten that I got a new debit card and would need to update payment info accordingly. Ya, my bad.

Then it dawned on me as I was reviewing some of my invoices…I inadvertently called your bluff Unitil.

I’m on my third disconnection notice and I’m still taking hot showers! Ya Ya. Guess what? I’m gonna take another hot one tomorrow morning too! How do you feel about that?! Just to be safe though I’m gonna go ahead and pay this bill online, like right now. I just want to be a good customer, I’m not scared you’ll follow through on these notices or anything.

So to sum up my evening, there are some lessons to be learned here.

1: Stop being a dumbass and check my mail.
2: Please refer back to #1.

I’m now just left with one question as I sip on my wine and reflect on tonight’s events.

Do I get to keep the United States Postal Service mail bin?

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